The importance of family

The book Growing up with parents who have learning difficulties (Routledge, London, 1998) underscores three crucial aspects of the role of the family in helping children overcome the disadvantages of their childhood and establish a berth in the adult world.

First, family ties can nurture resilience in children. A key protective factor known to shield children from a disadvantaged upbringing is a positive attachment to at least one adult apart from their parents who shows them unconditional acceptance. Such supportive relationships are most often found within the extended family.

Second, family supports may compensate for a lack of competence on the part of the parents in order to ensure satisfactory care for the child. A key source of such supports is the extended family. These ties need to be reinforced, not undermined or displaced, by professional intervention.

Third, adults need parents too. For most of the now-adult children with learning difficulties in the study, their relationship with their mother and/or father provided the only close, secure and continuing emotional bond in their lives. Even for those without learning difficulties, this relationship lay at the heart of their adult identity.

For children born into families who need a lot of support it is tempting to invent a future in which they would be better off away from their parents. Looking back from their position in the adult world it is equally possible to see the harm that can be done by too readily jumping to any such conclusion. The question of what is in the best interests of the child always invites a response in the future tense. The true answer often appears very different in hindsight.