Parents Together: principles and practices

Painted artwork of parents with their child

Guiding principles

Parents Together adopted a principled approach to working in partnership with parents drawing on the precedents and examples set by:

The self-advocacy movement – especially the idea of people working together to find their own voice, speak up for themselves, challenge the identity they have been assigned and fight for their rights as full citizens.

The citizen advocacy movement – especially the idea of actively representing the interests of people with learning difficulties (in this case, parents) and helping them establish informal supports within their neighbourhoods.

The self-help movement – especially the idea of people joining together to do something about their common problems and to enhance their sense of personal identity.

The supported parenting model – especially the idea that parents should be regarded as a resource (warranting support and investment) rather than a problem.

Practice guidelines

Parents' involvement in the project is voluntary – 'No-one can make you let me into your home, no-one can make you come to group meetings.'

Remember – the purpose is to help people do things for themselves not to do things for them

When we withdraw, families must be stronger as a result of our involvement not more dependent.

Don't go in to a family and try to fix things right away. Just get to know each other first. There will be plenty of time later for problem-solving.
Beware of stereotyping and preconceived ideas.
When starting with new families ask what they need help with first and tackle that even if it doesn't seem to you the most pressing problem.
Faced with a heap of problems first tackle the one you can do something about.
Focus on building a family's strengths rather than concentrating on its weaknesses.
Don't feel you have you have to fix everything for the family. Just try and help them make things better, and help them feel better about themselves. At least don't make things worse.

Remember – supporting parents supports children

Always respect the family home.
Proceed at the parents' pace. They set the frequency of visits and the timetable of work.
Never underestimate parents.
It is very important to start and end every session with something positive.
If anything goes wrong put it down as your fault (it's your lack of skills that meant you didn't see it wouldn't work).
Educate practitioners about the parents (eg inform police about regular harassment, if the parents agree, or perhaps organise a group session where professionals come and listen to parents' grievances).

Remember – advocacy is the guiding principle in all dealings with parents

Encourage parents to come to group meetings

to talk about themselves
to get to know other people and share information
to realise that other people want to meet them and listen to them
to see if we can help one another and ourselves

Parents often react against training. They've either had it up to their necks or they've had bad experiences of schooling in the past. Anything that resembles training needs to be presented carefully.

Remember – don't keep doing what doesn't work

Beware of imposing your values on parents.
Do not undermine parents in their handling of their own children.
Parents should be enabled to feel in control and to experience being competent.
Parents know if you don't like them. Own up to the coordinator about your feelings and be prepared to make way for someone else.
Parents Together does not operate a policy of obligatory reporting. Any worries or suspicions should be discussed with the parents first and if necessary thereafter with the project coordinators.
Mums and dads are people too whose needs as adults must be recognised as well as their responsibilities as parents.
Be truthful about who you are. Parents Together is a project based at the University and not a bunch of people doing work out of the goodness of their hearts.

Remember – no dealing behind parents' backs

Parents must at all times know we are on their side and our actions must always be consistent with this stance.
Parents must be assured that the project has no connection with the statutory services and our actions must never compromise this independence.
The project will operate a policy of open records and parents will be given a copy of everything written about them.
Check with parents every time something is written down. They may want to make a change. They must always agree what you have recorded.
All contacts with professionals and others on behalf of parents will be made only with their permission, and they will always be given a full report on the outcome.

Remember – Parents Together is not seeking to replicate or replace the work of practitioners – the advocacy role is about making sure parents receive the support and services to which they are entitled

Parents are best supported in the context of their own extended families, neighbourhoods and communities. Stimulate and build on existing circles of support with the parents' consent.
Always look for the parent's way of working rather than trying to make them fit ours.
Parents must be engaged as active partners in all aspects of the project.
Whenever a plan of action is drawn up with parents they must be presented with clear options and choices and allowed to decide themselves what they want to do.

Remember – at all times the project should aim at:

Enabling parents by creating opportunities for them to exhibit their competence.
Empowering parents by improving their sense of control over their own lives.
Enhancing parents' self-esteem.
Extending parents' social networks.